Hi Austin! I chose your storybook introduction to read this week, because of the title, "Epic Brothers". What a great idea to do a storybook over brothers. Brotherhood was such an essential part of the Ramayana! I like how you provided us with background about what had happened to each of the brothers after the events of the Ramayana. I think your choice of characters is also perfect. Each of these characters lost their brothers through what happened. I thought the letter sounded exactly like something Rama would write! I think it will be so interesting to see how you tell each of the brother's story. I was sad to find out that Lakshmana had also passed away. I'm especially interested to see what happened to him, because I do not yet know anything about that story! Overall, I thought you did a great job of grabbing the reader's attention and maintaining it throughout! I do think that a picture would really add to your introduction page. I love the image you included on your coverpage of Rama and Lakshmana! They exemplified brotherhood! My two favorite brother stories are that of Jatayu and Sampati, and of Rama and Lakshmana! I thought these four characters were so noble! While Ravana and Vali did not seem to be the greatest of brothers, it will be interesting to see what stories you choose to tell for them. Even if these brothers were at odds for much of their lives, I'm sure they still shared a special bond. They were brothers after all! Wonderful job, and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
I think your idea of covering the brothers in the stories of the Ramayana is a great one. I have written about the brothers Vali and Sugreeva in a couple of my stories, so I can understand your interest in them. I completely agree with your choice to make Jatayu and Sampati depicted as eagles instead of vultures. I think eagles are also somewhat larger than vultures in general, which makes their gargantuan size more believable if they are indeed vultures. I was attempting to concoct a story where Sampati loses his ability to fly in an epic battle instead of just flying too high, but your storybook memoir is better than what I likely could have made up. Your inclusion of the brotherhood Ravana and Vibhishana is probably the most interesting one of the entire group, as Ravana was essentially betrayed by his brother. I would like to see if you are going to make a brother for a character in the story who does not currently have one. The letter that was sent out by Rama was well done. You had an excellent choice for an introductory picture for your storybook. If it could be done, I think a banner that includes a picture of each pair of brothers together all at the top of the page would prove an excellent little touch to your site overall.
My first impression of the cover page was “Oh, this storybook is stories about Rama and Lakshmana.” It wasn’t until I looked at the names of the other pages on the site that I realized there was more than that. The title does sufficiently describe the storybook, but expanding it a little wouldn’t hurt (I don’t think keeping it the same would hurt, either): “Epic Brothers: Reflecting on Those Lost” or something like that. I think the image on the cover page may be a bit too happy for the sad stories that follow. You might also try to find an image of several of your narrators (and their brothers) together.
While the first sentence in the introduction is informative, it doesn’t make me want to read more. To me, the second sentence is much more interesting. The letter from Rama seems like it’s talking to all of them at the same time, when I get the impression that they’re not together when reading it. The tone and language Rama uses fits him very well. It really sounds like he’s talking to an old friend. The introduction does set up a very reflective, slightly sad mood. You might also want to add something about Sampati going first. The page looks kind of plain, so you might want to add an image or consider changing something with Rama’s letter to make it more appealing to look at at first glance.
The first sentence of the story might be better as the last sentence of the introduction. Sampati’s first words were very intriguing. I like his tone throughout the story and the fact that he didn’t focus on what caused him to lose his ability to fly, but on what his brother did after to help him. That tone or a similar tone would be good to use in the stories that follow. The image fits the story very well.
Hi Austin! First of all-- great design! Your title sums up the storybook well-- I like your choice to focus on the brothers of the epics, and I'm excited to see where you go with it. I like how your site is simple and sleek, which brings out the pictures even more. I think it would be great if you could add another picture to your introduction to draw the reader in to continue reading. I actually disagree with Gretchen about your picture choice-- while it may seem like a happy picture, this is often how Hindu gods/godesses/heroes are depicted, with beautiful objects and a contented face. The beauty can contrast with sad stories you may bring up, and I think the picture you chose really depicts brotherly love and also the divine-ness of Rama's human-ness.
I really liked your idea of a feast, and I was hooked from the letter. You may want to edit the beginning of your introduction, as Gretchen suggested.
Your first entry was great! I was a little confused about the quotation being split up my the picture, so you may reformat that. I really liked how you brought out different aspects of their relationship and made Sampati come to like through his speech. I really liked how you ended his story with him wanting his brother to be alive but that he would move on and take his rightful place in his honor. I liked how you tied it in with a competition between the brothers, because that gave me some closure with a story I wasn't a fan of because I thought the punishment was completely out of the blue. I really liked it-- looking forward to reading more!
Title Page: This is a great picture. After reading your Introduction on first story I looked back at your cover page. This picture makes a lot of since on your cover page. To have the two main brother duo to start your Storybook. Introduction: I like the great festival as the setting for your Storybook. The dishes you listed are a great detail and they make me want to try these dishes. The idea of the kings of Ramayana telling stories is great, and very believable. The theme of brothers is great! Sampati’s Story: I love the dynamic you set up between Sampati and his brother, Jatayu. The feeling of “nostalgia and regret” at the loss of someone we love is realistic and a great detail. I think it is so great that you had Jatayu come up with all sorts of contraptions for Sampati to try to fly with. Clearly Jatayu felt guilty for the loss of his brother’s ability to fly, and you did a great job of portraying that. Specifically the saddle idea was great, but I love that you had Sampati accept the loss of his wings. I think this acceptance was good for both bothers.
Hi Austin! I just wanted to leave you a thank you for your comments on my storytelling posts. It is nice to know that someone else can connect to the feeling/message I am trying to portray. I really also appreciate how you notice things in my posts that are not always obvious and that makes me feel like what I am trying to construe to the reader is actually coming across. So, thank you very much for your feedback!
Hi Austin! I just wanted to say thank you for your comments throughout the first half of the semester! They have been so helpful! I really appreciated your thoughts about Tumburu being the narrator, because I hadn't thought about how the other characters may resent him! Your advice really helped me to make my first story about Tumburu the best that it could be! Thank you again for all your feedback!
I wanted to specifically thank you for your comment on my latest Portfolio story (Lanka's Prophecy). Your post was specific and encouraging. Thank you for pointing out what you thought that I did well, that way I can try to continue to do that. I appreciate you taking the time to read and discuss your opinion about my writing. Thank you again.
Hi Austin, I appreciate your comments that you have left on my posts so far in the semester. They really have helped me improve my posts so. Thanks and I hope you continue to comment on my posts!
Hey Austin, thanks for all the comments and feedback regarding my blogs and writing so far in this course. I really appreciate it and I hope to take some of your advice and improve my writing. Thanks!
Austin, I like the simplicity of your storybook title because it is a great match to the content. The cover page includes a nice pop of color with the image you chose and I think this is a good contrast to you background. The only hope I would have is to have seen a picture including more of the ‘brothers’ present in the storyline you chose. Your introduction was very well developed in my opinion. I like how you were able to include so much information and set up the storybook stories. The letter from Rama calling to all his brothers was a creative way to get them together to tell their stories of their fallen brothers. I am intrigued at the end of the introduction on what Rama’s solution might be. I love the story you decided to tell first of Sampati and his fallen brother Jatayu. I was really interested in Jatayu when I was reading the book because he was such a sudden character and did a great deed in his final acts of life. What a great way to tell his story through his brother! I like that you included a lot of detail and emotion when having Sampati tell of his life with Jatayu growing up and what lead him to his wings taken and restored. I also love the image you included since this depicts the brothers flying together. I am intrigued to read more stories in your storybook, keep up the good work!
Hi Austin! I chose to revisit your storybook for one my extra credit comments! Although I have already read your introduction, which I really enjoyed, I was happy to find two new stories to read! I thought your story about Jatayu and Sampathi showed a true brotherhood. They were both competitive, but also very loyal and caring. I love that you added in the detail about Jatayu trying to find a way to help Sampathi fly again. Based on how kind and brave Jatayu was, I would definitely agree that would be something that he would do! I thought you did a good job transitioning from Sampathi being at the dinner to Sampathi telling his story about Jatayu. The story of Sugreeva and Vali seemed to follow your first story well due to the common theme of competition between brothers. I really like how you gave them a backstory! The mini competitions between the two was a really good idea to show how competitive they were with each other. It's too bad that their pride got in the way of their brotherhood. I thought you did an excellent job of showing Sugreeva's regret over this. Overall, I enjoyed both of your stories very much! I look forward to reading about Ravana and Vibhishana, as well as Rama and Lakshmana! Excellent job, especially in capturing the emotions that Sampathi and Sugreeva felt over the deaths of their brothers.
Hey good evening Austin! I really enjoyed reading your stories. The imagery you used was very vibrant and in good detail. I really enjoyed the commemorative storytelling theme you did. It reminded me of old war heroes getting together and reminiscing about younger trying times. The dialog between all the old friends also made it very believable. I liked how all the old friends would go around and pay tribute to their fallen brother the use of storytelling; it was very touching. Not letting the memory of their brothers go unheard and unrecognized is one of the best ways to honor the dead. I found the Sugreeva story to be one of the more touching stories. The original story was moving but the way you wove the story together really added another level of feeling. Also, the pictures you added to your storybook were very fitting and truly helped with the imagery of the stories. The design of your storybook is also very well done. It is easy to navigate and contains a pleasing background along with an easy to read font. I really hope I get a chance to visit your storybook again. Keep up the great work! Cannot wait to read more of your stories.
Hey, Austin! Neat storybook topic – I hadn’t even thought about some of the greatest allies coming together to share tales- that’s so cool! I love how you provided insight to the personalities of the characters and made them seem more “human.” The pictures on both of the stories were great, but I would maybe consider centering them and placing the caption right underneath so you don’t have to go searching for it. However, the pictures were applicable and definitely added to the story. As you wrote in your author’s note for the second story, I appreciate the fact that you added background to help explain Vali and Sugreeva’s relationship since that wasn’t really touched on by either author. I would maybe even throw in dialogue of the other characters/allies responding to the story in either words of encouragement or sympathy- that might help keep the story in context. On another note, in terms of grammar, I believe that with the start of each new paragraph, you have to put quotation marks again to show dialogue (just a side note since it was a little confusing at first). Besides that, wonderful job! The content was great and I’m especially looking forward to hearing what Rama has to say.
Hey Austin. Your coverpage looks nice. i like the background, and the picture is really nice too. I like your idea for your storybook. It's really sad to think about all the loved ones who died in the Ramayana, I never really thought what life would be like for those left afterwards. Your introduction is well written, but it might be nice if there was a picture in there. I read Sampati's story. It seems like Sampati and Jatayu are given really brief/minor roles in the Ramayana, but they were both really important in helping Rama and Sita. So, it's nice to have a whole story dedicated to them. The story is well done. I like the first person style, sort of like a diary or telling a story. It might be nice to have some more dialogue in your story, to show other characters' voices. Other than that though, very well done.
Hi Austin, This was my second trip into your storybook, and I immediately remembered liking it last time, especially the brothers theme. As you have read before, I really enjoyed writing the contemporary story of Sugreeva and Vali, so you can understand why I thought your take was fun to read. I was impressed by the level of thought that went into trying to defend/rationalize Vali's actions towards Sugreeva, and I also appreciated the way your story allows for the brothers to reflect on the deaths of their brothers. Your story was plenty long, but I would have liked a small bit of exposition on why Sugreeva was safe from Vali on the mountain, because I unfortunately have pretty much forgotten -- I believe it was a curse of some sort? I think the only part that I had trouble visualizing was why Vali took Sugreeva to battle. Was the person sitting in the throne decided by the challenges, or was Sugreeva just sitting on the throne whenever Vali was away? I like how you incorporated the mental strength of Sugreeva vs. the brute strength of Vali, too. That was important in your characterization and it worked nicely. Good job.
Hey Austin, I really enjoyed reading your storybook and all the stories you have worked on so far! Firstly, I really liked the concept because it was new and something I didn't expect first. I liked how you chose to tell the story from the character's point of view, which is something I didn't expect, which makes it more fun to read as a reader. I liked the concept of telling the Ramayana from not the general characters but the unique ones. I liked the various pictures you chose throughout your storybook, which is great because it adds that extra flavor to your stories! I thought your stories were longer then most which isn't bad but maybe shorten it as much as possible so that the reader isn't bored while reading. I think the drama is fulfilled throughout the stories and that keeps the momentum going for a reader. Great job so far! I think your ideas and concepts are clear and solid, I would just work on keeping up the good writing and maybe keeping it a bit shorter. Also, I enjoyed reading the author’s notes because it clarifies the mistaken ideas we might have thought of while looking at the title or from reading the introduction as a reader, which is good because you want to give out the right idea. Good job again.
Hey Austin! Your storybook is really coming along so far! Your coverpage looks really good! It is neat and neat. I really like the bright and colorful image as well. Your introduction is very impressive! I like how you used a letter, I did that for my storybook as well. Ours is the opposite because you used yours in your introduction, and I used letters in my stories. All of the food you describe sounds amazing. Your introduction is very catchy and really makes the reader wonder what stories are going to be told next. In your first story, I enjoyed all the little changes you made. I thought it was interesting how you referred back to your blog post! I have not seen that before and think it is a creative idea. I also enjoyed the idea of Jatayu inventing something to help Sampati. You did a great job of really developing the two characters relationship with each other. Overall fantastic job! I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future.
On first visiting your storybook I noticed the image of Rama and Lakshmana. I think this was a great image choice for your storybook since it centers around epic brothers (and which brothers are more epic than Rama and Lakshmana?). I would consider centering the image in the middle of the page, but that is just the way I prefer seeing them. Your cover page was easy to navigate and the links to your introduction and stories are all appearing the the proper order.
I think your introduction did a great job explaining the concept and theme of your storybook. I thought the brief introduction you gave for each of the characters was very informative and useful. Your letter from Rama was very well written and set up the plot very nicely.
Jatayu was one of my favorite characters from the epic and I think it is great that you included him and Sampati in your storybook. I think you did a great job of combining the plot into Sampati's speech at Rama's feast. I also like the twists you added to the story, like making it that Jatayu was burned by the sun because he flew too close to it, instead of the sun attacking him.
Hi Austin, I think your idea to tell the stories of all the people who survived in the Ramayan is really awesome. When I first clicked on your website the title of the website and picture didn’t really match up so I couldn’t tell what the website was going to be about. I thought I was going to be about Ram and Sita. Might want to change that, but other than that I think your page is perfect and you have a great idea. Your first storybook post reminded me of my younger brother because we’re always together and we still are. We live in the same room still sadly. And we both challenge each other and compete just like the two eagles did in the story. Your overall story was perfect, I could not really find any mistakes in your grammar either. I also think you did a great job on giving respect to Jatayu and explaining his character better in the story, how he was caring, as it was not really explained that well in the story. It also gave respect to his actions throughout the story. Other than that I don’t really have any ideas that you can improve on since it is perfect and I hope to be reading more of your work.
Great storybook, Austin! I like how you grab the readers attention when they first visit your storybook with the image of Rama and Lakshmana in the front page. I think the image choice was perfect because it is really a great attention grabber and sets the stage for your stories. I agree with Barclay, I think the image needs to be focused in the center. It just makes things look more clean and is easier on the eyes. I think you did a great job luring the reader in within your introduction. It really grabbed my attention when I started to read it! I think you did a great job with your introduction to the different character and gave a good, short introduction to the storybook theme that did not give away too many important details. I like introductions like that because it leaves the reader pondering what happens next and really makes them want to read more of your storybook. I think the layout of your storybook was excellent as well. It was clean and easy to navigate, which is always a great thing to have in mind when reading stuff online. Keep up the good work with your storybook!
Hey Austin, great stories so far in your book! I must say you have done a great job with the stories. I love the titles because it interests your readers more to see what all is there to read! I enjoyed reading both the stories and I think you were super creative with your details and how you presented the stories to your readers. I wasn't bored while reading at all! Which is great I think! I loved the introduction last time I visited your storybook and I must say you have done solid on the stories because the introduction was super appealing and now the stories are too! I love the pictures you chose as well! All the pictures look good and super colorful. I think your layout is great because it was easy to follow and read and everything was simple yet creative. Great job! Though your titles were simple and clean, I think you did a great job with the details and descriptions in each story because that was the best part of it all! Great job! I can't wait to read more stories if you are going to include anymore but I think it looks great so far! Keep it up!
I think you have a great storybook thus far. I really like the concept that you chose to use; inviting Rama's closest friends back to his final feast was a great idea. Your introduction is well written and provides a nice layout for where the stories will end up going while also leaving aspects to the unknown. Your first story is well written and I like the background information that you provided. I also like that you blended both versions of the story that we had read while also incorporating aspects of your own. I definitely agree with you on the creation of flight contraptions that Jatayu would make to help his brother. As for your second story, other than a few grammatical issues, you also did a great job. The background information you came up with really helps the reader to understand why it is that the brother fight like they do and why Vali would have been pushed to the breaking point upon his return. I think you could have gone a bit farther with the story to discuss the death of his brother and why he was no longer around like you did with Jatayu and Sampati. Other than that you have a great story and I hope to read the next one. Keep up the great work!
Hey Austin! This week was my first experience with your storybook, so I will be commenting on your layout, cover page, and introduction. Layout/Cover Page: I like how simple your storybook is. It's easy to navigate, read, and see everything. I also like your background and your picture. I don't know how I feel about them together, because one is so colorful and vibrant while the other is monochromatic and geometric, but as individual entities I like them both! I hope to see more pictures of the brothers like the one on your cover page. Introduction: Your introduction really explained what your storybook was about and can I just say wow?! I would never have thought to write about the "survivors" because even though I knew there were plenty of deaths in the Ramayana, I didn't really think too much about how they would impact those left behind. I mean, grief is a complicated and ever-present thing so it's really neat that you decided to address it. I like the festival as the setting for the storybook. I also like that you chose to include a letter in your introduction. It was a great break from how monotonous regular writing can be because of it's similar styles of paragraphs upon paragraphs. You broke it up, used more than one style, and really made your writing interesting.
Hey Fiance! I decided to revisit your storybook to read your new story! I remember you telling me that you decided to finish up your storybook with this story, so I was very interested to see what happened to Lakshmana after the events of the Ramayana! In your new story, I really like that you made a point to talk about how Rama exiled Sita and how that would make his allies feel. I didn't even think about that so I'm glad you mentioned that. What a terribly sad story! It was very honorable of Lakshmana to protect the kingdom from a course when he knew he'd lose his life because of it. I thought it was foolish of Rama to set those terms for the meeting in the first place. Overall, I really enjoyed your story! You can tell you did your research for this story. One thing that I might suggesting is using a different picture since you already used that one on your coverpage. If you could find a picture of Lakshmana going into the river that would be perfect! Also, should Rama reveal/know his true identity? Just a question I had while reading! Great job on your storybook! I really enjoyed reading about the brothers!
Hello Austin, I am from the Mythology and Folklore class so I decided to visit your storybook for my extra credit assignment this week! I think that your cover page is looking great! I like the cool background colors that you chose to use and I also really like that you kept the font simple. Sometimes when the fonts get too elaborate and fancy they distract the reader and make it so they can barely read it at all! I really like your picture, I feel that it is so bright and colorful and really adds a great vibrant touch to the page! One suggestion I do have though is to make the picture on the center of the page, I feel that this will help to strengthen the page and not distract the reader! Great job though!
I really liked how you included a written letter in your introduction post. This is something that is very creative and also something I have not seen a lot of other people do. I think this page looks great but I would also maybe consider adding a picture, just to strengthen it a bit more! For your ‘Sampati’s Story’ I love that you decided to pick the one with the eagles. I also agree that they are a lot more majestic and graceful than the vultures. Overall great job so far!
I really enjoyed your theme! Writing about the survivors was such a great idea! Probably something that I would have never thought of. I feel like when reading the Epics, I was happy that certain characters survived, but I never really thought about what happened to them after or if their lives just kind of sank back to "normal." I'm glad you wrote about their survivor stories. I read your first two stories and I have no complaints! They were both great. I love how you connected the first story to the second. The transition was beautiful and super smooth. The pictures you put in really helped pull the entire story together. Loved the eagle concept and then the picture of the two eagles soaring in the sky! I think that the missing information from the Epics that you filled into your stories was great! I can tell you spent a lot of time and did a lot of research. It definitely showed when reading your stories. Great job!!
I decided to revisit your storybook since I fully endorsed the theme you chose the first time. An old take: I thought it was odd that Sugreeva was so sure that the animals considered the brothers as co-leaders. I know for me personally that I would like to tell myself I was a "co-leader" but the fact would remain that my strong brother had been deemed a king by the gods.
I also thought the dynamic of Rama addressing each of the brothers and their lost partners was an interesting addition. Lakshmana is underappreciated in a large portion of the book in my opinion, and often did he get overshadowed. You did a great job of characterizing Lakshmana as a man who was always true to his word, even in the very end. I thought the ending was interesting, but I imagine if everyone settled on this same mindset the whole world could end up walking up the river into the ethereal realm. I thought it was cool that you used outside sources from just the books to help beef up your story, and I think it made it into a really deep piece of writing. Great job.
Hello Austin. This is my first time to read your storybook. Your layout is clean and simple and easy to navigate. The title is great because it frames the theme of the storybook really good. Your introduction did a great job at setting up the following stories. Starting off with Sampati speaking was a good choice. Jatayu is a character that has always stood out for me in the story because he so willingly gave up his life to save Sita. So starting out the story by having Sampati recall that part of the story was a good way to introduce both new readers that have not read the Ramayana and readers that are more familiar to the story to Sampati. The picture you chose was great because it shows two birds flying in unison with one another and that relates well to your first story because as you stated in your first story Sampati knew nothing about the characters in the book, but he did know that his brother died fight for them so he was willing to do the same. so the brothers were in sync with one another's beliefs. Overall I think you have done a good job of retelling the stories of some of these characters while putting new spin on it. Good Job.
Hey Austin! What a great storybook you have written! I really like the theme of your storybook because I have a brother of my own and these stories always brings back memories of things my brother and I have done together. The introduction of three brothers and bringing them back to Ayodhya was really great. You did a great job in writing that letter and bringing Rama’s friends back to Ayodhya. The letter actually sounds similar to what I would expect a letter from Rama to be like. This made sure to get the readers to really get interested and actually made sure they knew what they were getting themselves involved in. The stories you chose to write about were really great and really bring out the brotherly love mentioned in the Ramayana. I really liked all of those stories and the storytelling methods were also great because it never lost a reader or never got the reader bored. The only thing I would change in the stories would be how Jatayu is informed on how his wings would grow back. I feel like this part needs a little more detail rather than just the Sage telling them that. How? What? When? I really liked this storybook and can’t wait to see the final product.
Hey good afternoon Austin! I just finished reading your Storybook and I have to say, it was fantastic. First off I really liked the background, it added a solemn yet masculine since to the Storybook which is good since it’s about a group of friends talking about their lost brothers. The format also made it easy to navigate and go from one story to the next, you didn’t have to hunt for the next story. Your choice of font was well chosen as well, It made the reading easy on the eyes and wasn’t anything too abrasive. As for the story, the imagery and creativity truly pulled me in. The changes you made to the stories were also very well done. I feel as though you highlighted the characters feelings very well. I was able to actually connect and sympathies with your characters better than the ones in the original story. The pictures you chose to add to each story was great because you could actually put a clear face to the imagery of each character. All the pictures were also very high quality and appeared to be form excellent sources. It was a real pleasure reading your Storybook. Best of luck with the rest of the semester.
Morning glory and Hallelujah, Austin! This is my first visit to your blog/storybook, and I regret that fact. Your storybook is probably one of if not the best written examples from this semester. But more on that later. First lemme say a few things about your layout--it's great! I really dig the color scheme that you chose. Your site is easy to navigate, the text is legible, and the formatting is well done--good job!
I was particularly drawn to your storybook because I just recently watched the HBO drama Band of Brothers. If you haven't seen it, I highly, HIGHLY recommend it. It follows a group of WWII soldiers throughout their epic "adventure" in Europe. They're an extremely close-knit group (hence the show's title). Anyway, the acting/casting is fantastic, so go watch it!
Now to get back on topic here. After watching Band of Brothers, the idea of a group of people bonded through war and hardship reconnecting was very appealing to me. I think that the stories you chose were very compelling. All of your writing is very clear, your writing style makes the flow from sentence to sentence seamless, your grammar was on point, and the content of your storybook was excellent. I'm not sure if Linda has announced the winners of the vote yet, but I definitely expect your name to be in the mix there somewhere. I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly. Have a happy holiday, man! Take care.
Hi Austin! I chose your storybook introduction to read this week, because of the title, "Epic Brothers". What a great idea to do a storybook over brothers. Brotherhood was such an essential part of the Ramayana! I like how you provided us with background about what had happened to each of the brothers after the events of the Ramayana. I think your choice of characters is also perfect. Each of these characters lost their brothers through what happened. I thought the letter sounded exactly like something Rama would write! I think it will be so interesting to see how you tell each of the brother's story. I was sad to find out that Lakshmana had also passed away. I'm especially interested to see what happened to him, because I do not yet know anything about that story! Overall, I thought you did a great job of grabbing the reader's attention and maintaining it throughout! I do think that a picture would really add to your introduction page. I love the image you included on your coverpage of Rama and Lakshmana! They exemplified brotherhood! My two favorite brother stories are that of Jatayu and Sampati, and of Rama and Lakshmana! I thought these four characters were so noble! While Ravana and Vali did not seem to be the greatest of brothers, it will be interesting to see what stories you choose to tell for them. Even if these brothers were at odds for much of their lives, I'm sure they still shared a special bond. They were brothers after all! Wonderful job, and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHowdy Austin!
ReplyDeleteI think your idea of covering the brothers in the stories of the Ramayana is a great one. I have written about the brothers Vali and Sugreeva in a couple of my stories, so I can understand your interest in them. I completely agree with your choice to make Jatayu and Sampati depicted as eagles instead of vultures. I think eagles are also somewhat larger than vultures in general, which makes their gargantuan size more believable if they are indeed vultures. I was attempting to concoct a story where Sampati loses his ability to fly in an epic battle instead of just flying too high, but your storybook memoir is better than what I likely could have made up. Your inclusion of the brotherhood Ravana and Vibhishana is probably the most interesting one of the entire group, as Ravana was essentially betrayed by his brother. I would like to see if you are going to make a brother for a character in the story who does not currently have one. The letter that was sent out by Rama was well done. You had an excellent choice for an introductory picture for your storybook. If it could be done, I think a banner that includes a picture of each pair of brothers together all at the top of the page would prove an excellent little touch to your site overall.
My first impression of the cover page was “Oh, this storybook is stories about Rama and Lakshmana.” It wasn’t until I looked at the names of the other pages on the site that I realized there was more than that. The title does sufficiently describe the storybook, but expanding it a little wouldn’t hurt (I don’t think keeping it the same would hurt, either): “Epic Brothers: Reflecting on Those Lost” or something like that. I think the image on the cover page may be a bit too happy for the sad stories that follow. You might also try to find an image of several of your narrators (and their brothers) together.
ReplyDeleteWhile the first sentence in the introduction is informative, it doesn’t make me want to read more. To me, the second sentence is much more interesting. The letter from Rama seems like it’s talking to all of them at the same time, when I get the impression that they’re not together when reading it. The tone and language Rama uses fits him very well. It really sounds like he’s talking to an old friend. The introduction does set up a very reflective, slightly sad mood. You might also want to add something about Sampati going first. The page looks kind of plain, so you might want to add an image or consider changing something with Rama’s letter to make it more appealing to look at at first glance.
The first sentence of the story might be better as the last sentence of the introduction. Sampati’s first words were very intriguing. I like his tone throughout the story and the fact that he didn’t focus on what caused him to lose his ability to fly, but on what his brother did after to help him. That tone or a similar tone would be good to use in the stories that follow. The image fits the story very well.
Hi Austin! First of all-- great design! Your title sums up the storybook well-- I like your choice to focus on the brothers of the epics, and I'm excited to see where you go with it. I like how your site is simple and sleek, which brings out the pictures even more. I think it would be great if you could add another picture to your introduction to draw the reader in to continue reading. I actually disagree with Gretchen about your picture choice-- while it may seem like a happy picture, this is often how Hindu gods/godesses/heroes are depicted, with beautiful objects and a contented face. The beauty can contrast with sad stories you may bring up, and I think the picture you chose really depicts brotherly love and also the divine-ness of Rama's human-ness.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your idea of a feast, and I was hooked from the letter. You may want to edit the beginning of your introduction, as Gretchen suggested.
Your first entry was great! I was a little confused about the quotation being split up my the picture, so you may reformat that. I really liked how you brought out different aspects of their relationship and made Sampati come to like through his speech. I really liked how you ended his story with him wanting his brother to be alive but that he would move on and take his rightful place in his honor. I liked how you tied it in with a competition between the brothers, because that gave me some closure with a story I wasn't a fan of because I thought the punishment was completely out of the blue. I really liked it-- looking forward to reading more!
Title Page: This is a great picture. After reading your Introduction on first story I looked back at your cover page. This picture makes a lot of since on your cover page. To have the two main brother duo to start your Storybook.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I like the great festival as the setting for your Storybook. The dishes you listed are a great detail and they make me want to try these dishes. The idea of the kings of Ramayana telling stories is great, and very believable. The theme of brothers is great!
Sampati’s Story: I love the dynamic you set up between Sampati and his brother, Jatayu. The feeling of “nostalgia and regret” at the loss of someone we love is realistic and a great detail. I think it is so great that you had Jatayu come up with all sorts of contraptions for Sampati to try to fly with. Clearly Jatayu felt guilty for the loss of his brother’s ability to fly, and you did a great job of portraying that. Specifically the saddle idea was great, but I love that you had Sampati accept the loss of his wings. I think this acceptance was good for both bothers.
Hi Austin! I just wanted to leave you a thank you for your comments on my storytelling posts. It is nice to know that someone else can connect to the feeling/message I am trying to portray. I really also appreciate how you notice things in my posts that are not always obvious and that makes me feel like what I am trying to construe to the reader is actually coming across. So, thank you very much for your feedback!
ReplyDeleteHi Austin! I just wanted to say thank you for your comments throughout the first half of the semester! They have been so helpful! I really appreciated your thoughts about Tumburu being the narrator, because I hadn't thought about how the other characters may resent him! Your advice really helped me to make my first story about Tumburu the best that it could be! Thank you again for all your feedback!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to specifically thank you for your comment on my latest Portfolio story (Lanka's Prophecy). Your post was specific and encouraging. Thank you for pointing out what you thought that I did well, that way I can try to continue to do that. I appreciate you taking the time to read and discuss your opinion about my writing. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteHi Austin, I appreciate your comments that you have left on my posts so far in the semester. They really have helped me improve my posts so. Thanks and I hope you continue to comment on my posts!
ReplyDeleteHey Austin, thanks for all the comments and feedback regarding my blogs and writing so far in this course. I really appreciate it and I hope to take some of your advice and improve my writing. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAustin, I like the simplicity of your storybook title because it is a great match to the content. The cover page includes a nice pop of color with the image you chose and I think this is a good contrast to you background. The only hope I would have is to have seen a picture including more of the ‘brothers’ present in the storyline you chose. Your introduction was very well developed in my opinion. I like how you were able to include so much information and set up the storybook stories. The letter from Rama calling to all his brothers was a creative way to get them together to tell their stories of their fallen brothers. I am intrigued at the end of the introduction on what Rama’s solution might be.
ReplyDeleteI love the story you decided to tell first of Sampati and his fallen brother Jatayu. I was really interested in Jatayu when I was reading the book because he was such a sudden character and did a great deed in his final acts of life. What a great way to tell his story through his brother! I like that you included a lot of detail and emotion when having Sampati tell of his life with Jatayu growing up and what lead him to his wings taken and restored. I also love the image you included since this depicts the brothers flying together. I am intrigued to read more stories in your storybook, keep up the good work!
Hi Austin! I chose to revisit your storybook for one my extra credit comments! Although I have already read your introduction, which I really enjoyed, I was happy to find two new stories to read! I thought your story about Jatayu and Sampathi showed a true brotherhood. They were both competitive, but also very loyal and caring. I love that you added in the detail about Jatayu trying to find a way to help Sampathi fly again. Based on how kind and brave Jatayu was, I would definitely agree that would be something that he would do! I thought you did a good job transitioning from Sampathi being at the dinner to Sampathi telling his story about Jatayu.
ReplyDeleteThe story of Sugreeva and Vali seemed to follow your first story well due to the common theme of competition between brothers. I really like how you gave them a backstory! The mini competitions between the two was a really good idea to show how competitive they were with each other. It's too bad that their pride got in the way of their brotherhood. I thought you did an excellent job of showing Sugreeva's regret over this. Overall, I enjoyed both of your stories very much! I look forward to reading about Ravana and Vibhishana, as well as Rama and Lakshmana! Excellent job, especially in capturing the emotions that Sampathi and Sugreeva felt over the deaths of their brothers.
Hey good evening Austin! I really enjoyed reading your stories. The imagery you used was very vibrant and in good detail. I really enjoyed the commemorative storytelling theme you did. It reminded me of old war heroes getting together and reminiscing about younger trying times. The dialog between all the old friends also made it very believable. I liked how all the old friends would go around and pay tribute to their fallen brother the use of storytelling; it was very touching. Not letting the memory of their brothers go unheard and unrecognized is one of the best ways to honor the dead. I found the Sugreeva story to be one of the more touching stories. The original story was moving but the way you wove the story together really added another level of feeling. Also, the pictures you added to your storybook were very fitting and truly helped with the imagery of the stories. The design of your storybook is also very well done. It is easy to navigate and contains a pleasing background along with an easy to read font. I really hope I get a chance to visit your storybook again. Keep up the great work! Cannot wait to read more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey, Austin! Neat storybook topic – I hadn’t even thought about some of the greatest allies coming together to share tales- that’s so cool! I love how you provided insight to the personalities of the characters and made them seem more “human.” The pictures on both of the stories were great, but I would maybe consider centering them and placing the caption right underneath so you don’t have to go searching for it. However, the pictures were applicable and definitely added to the story. As you wrote in your author’s note for the second story, I appreciate the fact that you added background to help explain Vali and Sugreeva’s relationship since that wasn’t really touched on by either author. I would maybe even throw in dialogue of the other characters/allies responding to the story in either words of encouragement or sympathy- that might help keep the story in context. On another note, in terms of grammar, I believe that with the start of each new paragraph, you have to put quotation marks again to show dialogue (just a side note since it was a little confusing at first). Besides that, wonderful job! The content was great and I’m especially looking forward to hearing what Rama has to say.
ReplyDeleteHey Austin. Your coverpage looks nice. i like the background, and the picture is really nice too. I like your idea for your storybook. It's really sad to think about all the loved ones who died in the Ramayana, I never really thought what life would be like for those left afterwards. Your introduction is well written, but it might be nice if there was a picture in there. I read Sampati's story. It seems like Sampati and Jatayu are given really brief/minor roles in the Ramayana, but they were both really important in helping Rama and Sita. So, it's nice to have a whole story dedicated to them. The story is well done. I like the first person style, sort of like a diary or telling a story. It might be nice to have some more dialogue in your story, to show other characters' voices. Other than that though, very well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Austin,
ReplyDeleteThis was my second trip into your storybook, and I immediately remembered liking it last time, especially the brothers theme. As you have read before, I really enjoyed writing the contemporary story of Sugreeva and Vali, so you can understand why I thought your take was fun to read. I was impressed by the level of thought that went into trying to defend/rationalize Vali's actions towards Sugreeva, and I also appreciated the way your story allows for the brothers to reflect on the deaths of their brothers. Your story was plenty long, but I would have liked a small bit of exposition on why Sugreeva was safe from Vali on the mountain, because I unfortunately have pretty much forgotten -- I believe it was a curse of some sort? I think the only part that I had trouble visualizing was why Vali took Sugreeva to battle. Was the person sitting in the throne decided by the challenges, or was Sugreeva just sitting on the throne whenever Vali was away? I like how you incorporated the mental strength of Sugreeva vs. the brute strength of Vali, too. That was important in your characterization and it worked nicely. Good job.
Hey Austin, I really enjoyed reading your storybook and all the stories you have worked on so far! Firstly, I really liked the concept because it was new and something I didn't expect first. I liked how you chose to tell the story from the character's point of view, which is something I didn't expect, which makes it more fun to read as a reader. I liked the concept of telling the Ramayana from not the general characters but the unique ones. I liked the various pictures you chose throughout your storybook, which is great because it adds that extra flavor to your stories! I thought your stories were longer then most which isn't bad but maybe shorten it as much as possible so that the reader isn't bored while reading. I think the drama is fulfilled throughout the stories and that keeps the momentum going for a reader. Great job so far! I think your ideas and concepts are clear and solid, I would just work on keeping up the good writing and maybe keeping it a bit shorter. Also, I enjoyed reading the author’s notes because it clarifies the mistaken ideas we might have thought of while looking at the title or from reading the introduction as a reader, which is good because you want to give out the right idea. Good job again.
ReplyDeleteHey Austin! Your storybook is really coming along so far! Your coverpage looks really good! It is neat and neat. I really like the bright and colorful image as well. Your introduction is very impressive! I like how you used a letter, I did that for my storybook as well. Ours is the opposite because you used yours in your introduction, and I used letters in my stories. All of the food you describe sounds amazing. Your introduction is very catchy and really makes the reader wonder what stories are going to be told next. In your first story, I enjoyed all the little changes you made. I thought it was interesting how you referred back to your blog post! I have not seen that before and think it is a creative idea. I also enjoyed the idea of Jatayu inventing something to help Sampati. You did a great job of really developing the two characters relationship with each other. Overall fantastic job! I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future.
ReplyDeleteOn first visiting your storybook I noticed the image of Rama and Lakshmana. I think this was a great image choice for your storybook since it centers around epic brothers (and which brothers are more epic than Rama and Lakshmana?). I would consider centering the image in the middle of the page, but that is just the way I prefer seeing them. Your cover page was easy to navigate and the links to your introduction and stories are all appearing the the proper order.
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction did a great job explaining the concept and theme of your storybook. I thought the brief introduction you gave for each of the characters was very informative and useful. Your letter from Rama was very well written and set up the plot very nicely.
Jatayu was one of my favorite characters from the epic and I think it is great that you included him and Sampati in your storybook. I think you did a great job of combining the plot into Sampati's speech at Rama's feast. I also like the twists you added to the story, like making it that Jatayu was burned by the sun because he flew too close to it, instead of the sun attacking him.
Hi Austin, I think your idea to tell the stories of all the people who survived in the Ramayan is really awesome. When I first clicked on your website the title of the website and picture didn’t really match up so I couldn’t tell what the website was going to be about. I thought I was going to be about Ram and Sita. Might want to change that, but other than that I think your page is perfect and you have a great idea. Your first storybook post reminded me of my younger brother because we’re always together and we still are. We live in the same room still sadly. And we both challenge each other and compete just like the two eagles did in the story. Your overall story was perfect, I could not really find any mistakes in your grammar either. I also think you did a great job on giving respect to Jatayu and explaining his character better in the story, how he was caring, as it was not really explained that well in the story. It also gave respect to his actions throughout the story. Other than that I don’t really have any ideas that you can improve on since it is perfect and I hope to be reading more of your work.
ReplyDeleteGreat storybook, Austin! I like how you grab the readers attention when they first visit your storybook with the image of Rama and Lakshmana in the front page. I think the image choice was perfect because it is really a great attention grabber and sets the stage for your stories. I agree with Barclay, I think the image needs to be focused in the center. It just makes things look more clean and is easier on the eyes. I think you did a great job luring the reader in within your introduction. It really grabbed my attention when I started to read it! I think you did a great job with your introduction to the different character and gave a good, short introduction to the storybook theme that did not give away too many important details. I like introductions like that because it leaves the reader pondering what happens next and really makes them want to read more of your storybook. I think the layout of your storybook was excellent as well. It was clean and easy to navigate, which is always a great thing to have in mind when reading stuff online. Keep up the good work with your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHey Austin, great stories so far in your book! I must say you have done a great job with the stories. I love the titles because it interests your readers more to see what all is there to read! I enjoyed reading both the stories and I think you were super creative with your details and how you presented the stories to your readers. I wasn't bored while reading at all! Which is great I think! I loved the introduction last time I visited your storybook and I must say you have done solid on the stories because the introduction was super appealing and now the stories are too! I love the pictures you chose as well! All the pictures look good and super colorful. I think your layout is great because it was easy to follow and read and everything was simple yet creative. Great job! Though your titles were simple and clean, I think you did a great job with the details and descriptions in each story because that was the best part of it all! Great job! I can't wait to read more stories if you are going to include anymore but I think it looks great so far! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAustin,
ReplyDeleteI think you have a great storybook thus far. I really like the concept that you chose to use; inviting Rama's closest friends back to his final feast was a great idea. Your introduction is well written and provides a nice layout for where the stories will end up going while also leaving aspects to the unknown. Your first story is well written and I like the background information that you provided. I also like that you blended both versions of the story that we had read while also incorporating aspects of your own. I definitely agree with you on the creation of flight contraptions that Jatayu would make to help his brother. As for your second story, other than a few grammatical issues, you also did a great job. The background information you came up with really helps the reader to understand why it is that the brother fight like they do and why Vali would have been pushed to the breaking point upon his return. I think you could have gone a bit farther with the story to discuss the death of his brother and why he was no longer around like you did with Jatayu and Sampati. Other than that you have a great story and I hope to read the next one. Keep up the great work!
Hey Austin!
ReplyDeleteThis week was my first experience with your storybook, so I will be commenting on your layout, cover page, and introduction.
Layout/Cover Page: I like how simple your storybook is. It's easy to navigate, read, and see everything. I also like your background and your picture. I don't know how I feel about them together, because one is so colorful and vibrant while the other is monochromatic and geometric, but as individual entities I like them both! I hope to see more pictures of the brothers like the one on your cover page.
Introduction: Your introduction really explained what your storybook was about and can I just say wow?! I would never have thought to write about the "survivors" because even though I knew there were plenty of deaths in the Ramayana, I didn't really think too much about how they would impact those left behind. I mean, grief is a complicated and ever-present thing so it's really neat that you decided to address it. I like the festival as the setting for the storybook. I also like that you chose to include a letter in your introduction. It was a great break from how monotonous regular writing can be because of it's similar styles of paragraphs upon paragraphs. You broke it up, used more than one style, and really made your writing interesting.
Hey Fiance! I decided to revisit your storybook to read your new story! I remember you telling me that you decided to finish up your storybook with this story, so I was very interested to see what happened to Lakshmana after the events of the Ramayana! In your new story, I really like that you made a point to talk about how Rama exiled Sita and how that would make his allies feel. I didn't even think about that so I'm glad you mentioned that. What a terribly sad story! It was very honorable of Lakshmana to protect the kingdom from a course when he knew he'd lose his life because of it. I thought it was foolish of Rama to set those terms for the meeting in the first place. Overall, I really enjoyed your story! You can tell you did your research for this story. One thing that I might suggesting is using a different picture since you already used that one on your coverpage. If you could find a picture of Lakshmana going into the river that would be perfect! Also, should Rama reveal/know his true identity? Just a question I had while reading! Great job on your storybook! I really enjoyed reading about the brothers!
ReplyDeleteHello Austin, I am from the Mythology and Folklore class so I decided to visit your storybook for my extra credit assignment this week! I think that your cover page is looking great! I like the cool background colors that you chose to use and I also really like that you kept the font simple. Sometimes when the fonts get too elaborate and fancy they distract the reader and make it so they can barely read it at all! I really like your picture, I feel that it is so bright and colorful and really adds a great vibrant touch to the page! One suggestion I do have though is to make the picture on the center of the page, I feel that this will help to strengthen the page and not distract the reader! Great job though!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you included a written letter in your introduction post. This is something that is very creative and also something I have not seen a lot of other people do. I think this page looks great but I would also maybe consider adding a picture, just to strengthen it a bit more! For your ‘Sampati’s Story’ I love that you decided to pick the one with the eagles. I also agree that they are a lot more majestic and graceful than the vultures. Overall great job so far!
Austin,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your theme! Writing about the survivors was such a great idea! Probably something that I would have never thought of. I feel like when reading the Epics, I was happy that certain characters survived, but I never really thought about what happened to them after or if their lives just kind of sank back to "normal." I'm glad you wrote about their survivor stories.
I read your first two stories and I have no complaints! They were both great. I love how you connected the first story to the second. The transition was beautiful and super smooth.
The pictures you put in really helped pull the entire story together. Loved the eagle concept and then the picture of the two eagles soaring in the sky! I think that the missing information from the Epics that you filled into your stories was great! I can tell you spent a lot of time and did a lot of research. It definitely showed when reading your stories. Great job!!
Hi Austin,
ReplyDeleteI decided to revisit your storybook since I fully endorsed the theme you chose the first time. An old take: I thought it was odd that Sugreeva was so sure that the animals considered the brothers as co-leaders. I know for me personally that I would like to tell myself I was a "co-leader" but the fact would remain that my strong brother had been deemed a king by the gods.
I also thought the dynamic of Rama addressing each of the brothers and their lost partners was an interesting addition. Lakshmana is underappreciated in a large portion of the book in my opinion, and often did he get overshadowed. You did a great job of characterizing Lakshmana as a man who was always true to his word, even in the very end. I thought the ending was interesting, but I imagine if everyone settled on this same mindset the whole world could end up walking up the river into the ethereal realm. I thought it was cool that you used outside sources from just the books to help beef up your story, and I think it made it into a really deep piece of writing. Great job.
Hello Austin. This is my first time to read your storybook. Your layout is clean and simple and easy to navigate. The title is great because it frames the theme of the storybook really good. Your introduction did a great job at setting up the following stories. Starting off with Sampati speaking was a good choice. Jatayu is a character that has always stood out for me in the story because he so willingly gave up his life to save Sita. So starting out the story by having Sampati recall that part of the story was a good way to introduce both new readers that have not read the Ramayana and readers that are more familiar to the story to Sampati. The picture you chose was great because it shows two birds flying in unison with one another and that relates well to your first story because as you stated in your first story Sampati knew nothing about the characters in the book, but he did know that his brother died fight for them so he was willing to do the same. so the brothers were in sync with one another's beliefs. Overall I think you have done a good job of retelling the stories of some of these characters while putting new spin on it. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteHey Austin! What a great storybook you have written! I really like the theme of your storybook because I have a brother of my own and these stories always brings back memories of things my brother and I have done together. The introduction of three brothers and bringing them back to Ayodhya was really great. You did a great job in writing that letter and bringing Rama’s friends back to Ayodhya. The letter actually sounds similar to what I would expect a letter from Rama to be like. This made sure to get the readers to really get interested and actually made sure they knew what they were getting themselves involved in. The stories you chose to write about were really great and really bring out the brotherly love mentioned in the Ramayana. I really liked all of those stories and the storytelling methods were also great because it never lost a reader or never got the reader bored. The only thing I would change in the stories would be how Jatayu is informed on how his wings would grow back. I feel like this part needs a little more detail rather than just the Sage telling them that. How? What? When? I really liked this storybook and can’t wait to see the final product.
ReplyDeleteHey good afternoon Austin! I just finished reading your Storybook and I have to say, it was fantastic. First off I really liked the background, it added a solemn yet masculine since to the Storybook which is good since it’s about a group of friends talking about their lost brothers. The format also made it easy to navigate and go from one story to the next, you didn’t have to hunt for the next story. Your choice of font was well chosen as well, It made the reading easy on the eyes and wasn’t anything too abrasive. As for the story, the imagery and creativity truly pulled me in. The changes you made to the stories were also very well done. I feel as though you highlighted the characters feelings very well. I was able to actually connect and sympathies with your characters better than the ones in the original story. The pictures you chose to add to each story was great because you could actually put a clear face to the imagery of each character. All the pictures were also very high quality and appeared to be form excellent sources. It was a real pleasure reading your Storybook. Best of luck with the rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteMorning glory and Hallelujah, Austin! This is my first visit to your blog/storybook, and I regret that fact. Your storybook is probably one of if not the best written examples from this semester. But more on that later. First lemme say a few things about your layout--it's great! I really dig the color scheme that you chose. Your site is easy to navigate, the text is legible, and the formatting is well done--good job!
ReplyDeleteI was particularly drawn to your storybook because I just recently watched the HBO drama Band of Brothers. If you haven't seen it, I highly, HIGHLY recommend it. It follows a group of WWII soldiers throughout their epic "adventure" in Europe. They're an extremely close-knit group (hence the show's title). Anyway, the acting/casting is fantastic, so go watch it!
Now to get back on topic here. After watching Band of Brothers, the idea of a group of people bonded through war and hardship reconnecting was very appealing to me. I think that the stories you chose were very compelling. All of your writing is very clear, your writing style makes the flow from sentence to sentence seamless, your grammar was on point, and the content of your storybook was excellent. I'm not sure if Linda has announced the winners of the vote yet, but I definitely expect your name to be in the mix there somewhere. I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly. Have a happy holiday, man! Take care.